Hiccups

(opening shot of a spider on a shelf in the kitchen, Angelica sees it and is frightened; cut to Stu (Tommy's father) in the living room, reading a book and eating popcorn)

Angelica: (voice only) Uncle Stu!!!

Stu: Coming Angelica!

(runs to the kitchen, dropping the bowl of popcorn on the floor; Tommy starts eating it off the floor)

(cut to Stu arriving in the kitchen)

Angelica: Uncle Stu! There's a icky spider in front of the cookies.

Stu: A spider? Is that all?

(gets a plate and bowl and scoops up the spider with them)

Angelica: Ooh! Scary!

(cut to Tommy in the living room, in a gated area with Chuckie, Phil, and Lil; eats more popcorn)

Tommy: Hey... (drinks from bottle) Wow, I don't know what my dad was eating but it sure was

(hiccups and knocks over a castle of blocks)

Phil: It sure was what?

Lil: I think he said it was ketchup.

Phil: His dad wasn't eating ketchup, Lillian!

Lil: Well, he could have been Phillip!

Tommy: Will you guys just be quiet and listen? Phil, Lil, and

Chuckie: Sorry!

(Tommy hiccups)

Chuckie: What are we listening for?

Tommy: This thing that keeps coming out of my mouth.

Phil: Something's coming out of your mouth?

Lil: Is it slimy?

Tommy: I don't know. (Phil and Lil look in Tommy's mouth) Do you see anything?

Phil: No, not yet. Open wider.

(Tommy hiccups; Phil, Lil, and Chuckie get knocked backwards and scream)

Chuckie: Something's down there.

Lil: Yeah, and it barked at us.

Phil: Did you eat a puppy, Tommy?

Tommy: (picks up some popcorn) I only "eated" some of this stuff my dad was eating. (eats some more) And then

(hiccups; others scream, run away and hide behind things)

Lil: I think Tommy's getting ready to pop, like a balloon.

Phil: Or maybe he's going to blow, like a volcano!

Chuckie: Come on you guys! Don't talk that way about Tommy; you'll scare him. Besides, there's no way he's going to blow. (laughs) That's just plain-

(Tommy hiccups)

Chuckie: Wah! He's gonna blow! Run away!

Phil & Lil: Run away!

(Chuckie, Phil, and Lil run away)

(Angelica enters)

Angelica: What's all the racket in here?

Phil: We're tryin' not to get Tommy all over us when he pops.

(Tommy drinks from bottle, then hiccups; water comes out of his nose)

Angelica: You dumb babies. He's not gonna pop. He just has the "hippups."

Tommy: The "hippups"?

Chuckie: Ooh, that doesn't sound so good Tommy.

Tommy: Don't you know any way I can get rid of 'um?

Angelica: Sure, everybody knows that. All you "got" to do to get rid of them is to have somebody scare you.

Tommy: Well (hiccups and falls down), could you do that for me?

Angelica: You want me to scare you?! Chuckie? Don't do it Tommy! If you give her permission to scare ya, your whole life will be just a big scary , scary thingy.

Tommy: Well, what else can I do Chuckie? (hiccups) What if I get to be all grown up and, and I can't play with my blocks or talk or eat or even drink from my bottle.

Angelica: Well, I might be interested.

Phil: Aw (laughs) it'll never work.

Angelica: What? Why not.

Phil: 'Cause it's too hard to scare Tommy.

Lil: Yeah, he's the bravest baby ever in the world.

Angelica: What are you babies saying? That I can't scare Tommy?

Chuckie: Oh no . They're not saying that!

Phil: Yeah, we are.

Angelica: Okay then. You just go on about your little baby day Tommy, and when you least expect it, I'll cure you!

Chuckie: Ah! (scared)

Tommy: Thanks Angelica!

(hiccups; drops bottle)

Phil: Hey, can we help ya try to scare Tommy?

Lil: Yeah, we like to say boo!

Angelica: Sure, come on (lets them out of the playpen)

(Tommy hiccups)

Chuckie: Now what are we gonna do Tommy? They could be waiting for us around any corner, under any chair, inside any potty.

Tommy: That's the whole point Chuckie. I "wanta getta" scared.

Chuckie: Ahhh! But Tommy, getting scared is awful. It's the "worstest" most horrible thing.

Tommy: Well, I just hope Angelica's good at it. But in case she's not, I'm gonna go look for (hiccups)

Chuckie: What?

Tommy: Scary stuff!

Chuckie: Scary stuff?! You're gonna go looking for scary stuff?

Tommy: Sure, I figure if Angelica scares me in a scary place, then I'll be really "a-scared". (hiccups)

Chuckie: I don't think I'll ever understand him even if I live to be three years old.

(Tommy enters the kitchen)

Tommy: Come on, Chuckie!

(Chuckie enters; Tommy tries to open the doors to the cabinet under the sink)

Chuckie: What are you doing?

Tommy: There's a, a monster that lives in here. I hear him growling when he (hiccups) eats our "leftoders"

Chuckie: Not that monster Tommy! He's too scary!

Tommy: I gotta Chuckie! Help me!

(both try to open the doors, Chuckie feels a hand on his back, turns around and screams at Phil, Lil, and Angelica in three Halloween monster masks)

Tommy: Oh, hi guys. Did you think of a good way to (hiccups) scare me yet?

(Angelica growls and takes off mask)

Lil: I thought that was supposed to scare him

(she and Phil take off mask)

Phil: Aw, nothings gonna scare Tommy. He's too brave.

(Tommy hiccups)

Angelica: Yeah, well, we'll see how brave he is when he meets the boogeyman!

(Tommy hiccups)

Angelica: Come on. Let's go!

Lil: Would the "boogerman" say boo?

Angelica: No!

Lil: Oh

(Phil, Lil, and Angelica leave kitchen)

Chuckie: Oh, Tommy! What do you think she means by the "boogerman?"

Tommy: I don't know Chuckie, but if he can (hiccups) get rid of my "hippups," I wanna meet him right now! Come on!

(cut to them approaching the closet in the living room)

Tommy: What do you think (hiccups) Chuckie? Is, is the "boogerman" "more" probably in the basement or under the couch?

Chuckie: Uh, Tommy, I'm not sure looking for the scary place is such a good idea. (Phil and Lil push them both into the closet and close the door) Wah!

(Angelica makes scary noises in the closet)

Chuckie: Tommy! (points at Angelica dressed as a monster) The "boogerman"!

Angelica: (dressed as a headless monster) That's boogeyman, you dumb baby! And now that you are here, you must help me find my head!

Chuckie: Your head?!

Tommy: If you don't "got" the head, how are you (hiccups) talking.

Angelica: Never mind that. Now start feeling around for it!

Chuckie: No!

Angelica: Yes! You'll know it 'cause it's got mushy brains hanging out and big squishy eyeballs. Hhhha! There it is!

(pulls cover off spaghetti and other stuff that resemble what she's talking about; takes Chuckie's hand and puts it in the bowl)

Chuckie: Wah! I feel the big, strong (?) "boogerman's" brains!

Phil: (outside closet with Lil) What do you think?

Lil: I think only Chuckie is scared. He gets "ascared" just looking at his shoes.

Phil: Let's see...

(opens up the closet door; in meantime, Chuckie is ranting about how he doesn't like this)

Chuckie: I don't like this! I don't like it one bit! (then sees hand is in bowl of spaghetti) "Pisghetti?"

Tommy: Angelica! You were supposed to scare me, not (hiccups) feed me!

Lil: I still think we should have said "boo!"

Angelica: (storming away) All right, I didn't wanna do this, but Tommy leaves me no choice! It's time for the scare machine.

Chuckie: Huh!!! Scare machine!

Angelica: It's gonna be the "most" creepiest, horriblest thing ever. And it's not gonna say boo. Hahahahaahah....

Tommy: (hiccups) You guys were right. (hiccups) I'm never gettin' scared enough to get rid of those "hippups." I'm doomed forever, unless... Chuckie!

Chuckie: What!!!

Tommy: All those things Angelica did scared you, right?

Chuckie: They sure did!

Tommy: Maybe you could (hiccups) teach me how to be "ascared: before Angelica comes back with her scare machine.

Chuckie: Me? Teach you? You mean, being scared can be a good thing?

Tommy: You're my only hope, Chuckie.! Will ya (hiccups) do it?

Chuckie: Yeah!

(cut Angelica in the kitchen, sees the bug)

(cut back to Tommy, Chuckie, Phil and Lil back in the living room)

Chuckie: Okay, first I'll demonstrate the scream. Now, tap me on the back.

Tommy: Okay

(taps Chuckie on the back)

Chuckie: (pretending to run in fright) Wahh!! See, now you try.

(taps Tommy on the back; Tommy tries to imitate him)

Tommy: Okay. (hiccups)

Chuckie: Uh, this might take a little work.

(cut to Angelica entering a bedroom and taking a stuffed owl from a desk;)

(cut back to Tommy, Chuckie, Phil and Lil in the living room)

Chuckie: Okay, now put your hands over your eyes and shiver like this.

(demonstrates and moans)

Tommy: Like this?

(tries to imitate)

Chuckie: No, no, no, no... like this

(shivers and moans; Tommy then tries to imitate)

Tommy: I'm sorry Chuckie. I'm (hiccups) tryin.'

(cut to Angelica getting a Jack'O'Lantern out of a box of Halloween props; she presses a button and it cackles)

(cut back to the others in the living room)

Chuckie: Okay, now -

Phil: I am a monster

(he and Lil pretend to be one)

Lil: I am going to eat you.

Chuckie: Huh! Monster!

(pretends to be afraid and dives under a table; motions for Tommy to join him)

Tommy: Um, monster! Oh no! (tries to imitate, then hiccups) Hey, a cracker. (eats one under the table) Oh, sorry Chuckie!

(Chuckie sighs)

(cut to Angelica marking an X on the floor in the garage and laughing)

(cut back to the others, Tommy is trying to look scared in a mirror, then hiccups)

Chuckie: Open your eyes a little more! That's it. You're doing great Tommy! (to others) He's doomed.

Tommy: (hiccups; sees bottle on a cart being towed across the floor) Milk!

(starts to follow it)

Chuckie: Where are you going Tommy?

(Chuckie, Phil, and Lil follow Tommy)

(cut to Angelica pulling on a rope in the garage, then to the others walking to the garage and Tommy entering it; hiccups. The cart stops near the X, and Tommy sits down on the X and drinks from it)

Angelica: And now, you will all experience the amazingness of my super duper scare machine. Hahahahahah,....

(turns on the light and pulls on a rope; everything falls down on top of her as she screams and Tommy hiccups)

Tommy: (he and others run to help Angelica) Angelica! Are you okay?

Phil: That was a big scream you screamed.

Lil: Yes, at least you scared yourself!

Angelica: (takes pumpkin off her head) I did not. I'm not some stupid baby. I'm a grown up kid and I don't get "ascared" so just leave me alone.

Tommy: Well, okay!

Chuckie: Hey Tommy. Your "hippups."

Tommy: What about them Chuckie?

Chuckie: They're gone!

Tommy: Hey, you're right! I'm all better!

Chuckie: What do you think made 'em go away?

Tommy: Well, when all that stuff fell on Angelica, I got "ascared", scared she might be hurt. I guess that's what cured my "hippups." Oh, thanks Angelica.

(Angelica growls then hiccups twice)

Quotes (c) 1997 Viacom.