The Art Fair

Contributed and compiled by Kathleen Kremer.

(Angelica is painting in her room)

Angelica: Oh Cynthia, that's not the color I wanted.

(cut to Charlotte (Angelica's mom) in her kitchen with Charles; Tommy, Phil, Lil, and Chuckie playing in the backyard)

Charles: This is great of you to help me pick out the wall paper for my den, Charlotte!

Charlotte: Happy to help! What about this? Picasso's cubist portrait?

Charles: (grimacing) Oh, I think that one might scare Chuckie.

(Angelica enters)

Angelica: Mommy, how do you make green?

Charlotte: Blue and yellow, honey.

Angelica: Thank you Mommy!

Charlotte: Angelica is painting. My personal shaman said it was absolutely the best way to nurture her creative side. This is it! Warhol's "Oatmeal Guy". (picture is Warholesque version of the Quaker Oats logo)

Charles: No, no, no, no, no. That would REALLY scare Chuckie.

(cut to Angelica painting)

Angelica: It's perfect! I'm the "bestest" artist I know. Better than "Pinkasso" and "Van Goo." (puts down supplies) Well, every great artist needs inspiration, and mine is cookies. Let's go Cynthia.

(takes her doll and leaves room; the babies enter the room)

Tommy: Look you guys! Paints!

Lil: Oooh! And a pretty picture of a sandwich!

Phil: That's not a sandwich, Lillian. It's Reptar taking a nap.

Chuckie: I'm not sure, but I think it's a monster hiding under a "blankie" from an even bigger monster.

Lil: What do you think Tommy?

Tommy: I think it's not finished yet.

Phil: Yeah. It needs more this.

(puts blue paint on the canvas)

Lil: I think it needs more that.

(puts green paint on the canvas)

Tommy: I think it needs a sponge (?) (puts yellow paint on the canvas; all kids but Chuckie laugh) Come on Chuckie, try it. It's fun.

Phil: Yeah, and squishy.

(puts red paint on Chuckie's hand)

Chuckie: Hey, I don't want to play icky, yucky paints.

(Angelica enters eating a cookie)

Angelica: Huh!!!

(drops her cookie; spits out what she was eating) You dumb babies! You ruined my picture!!!

Chuckie: Wah! Angelica! It wasn't me!

Angelica: What do you mean? I caught you red handed.

(holds out his hand) You're in big trouble now!

Chuckie: No, no, no, no. Waaah!

(runs away; Angelica chaises him)

Angelica: I'll get you... I'l get you Finster. I'll get you. Get back here!

(chase scene continues; paint spilled all over the walls and floor as they run around the room; Phil falls face forward into blue paint; Chuckie cornered but runs away and steps on green paint that hits Angelica in the face)

Chuckie: No, no, waaaaah...

Angelica: Wait until I get my hands on you Finster.

Chuckie: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

(all the babies leave)

Angelica: And don't you ever come back. (gets hit in head with palate) Rrrrrr.... Cynthia! Look at this mess! I know my mommy is gonna blow her "snack."

(her mom enters the room)

Charlotte: Oh Angelica. C'est tres magnifique. I love it!

Angelica: What?!

Charlotte: The total abandonment of form. The disregard of balance. It's so Jackson Pollock. Do you have a name for it?

Angelica: A name? Uh... oh sure I , I have a name for it. It's called uh, "Lucky Girl".

(cut to Charles still looking at wall paper samples; Charlotte enters)

Charlotte: Chaz? Forget about the wall paper. I have the most fabulous solution!

(cut to later at Charles' house; Charles, Charlotte and Angelica are in the den with paints and brushes)

Charlotte: I think that's everything my angel is going to need to be brilliant.

Charles: I don't think this is a very good idea.

Charlotte: Oh relax Chaz. She's au courant. She's into vanguard. She's on the edge. Come along. Bye bye honey.

Charles: Bye bye den.

Charlotte: Now, I have some ideas for the living room I think you're going to love.

(Charles and Charlotte leaves; Angelica paints lines on the wall)

(later, Charlotte enters)

Charlotte: Huh!! What is this?

Angelica: It's my art, Mommy.

Charlotte: Hmm, uh, why didn't you do it like your room. That was so good. This is so.. not.

Angelica: Oh, uh, well, I'm just getting started. It'll be great. I just a little more time alone.

Charlotte: Okay sweetheart. Make Mommy proud.

(Mom leaves, Angelica sighs)

Angelica: Where are those dumb babies when you need 'em.

(sees Chuckie walking in the hall and chases him, he trips)

Angelica: Hi, Chuckie, my "favoritest" pal and new "bestest" assistant.

Chuckie: Uh, "sistant"? Wha-, what's a "sistant"?

Angelica: It's a helper. You get to help me paint your daddy's den as pretty as my room.

Chuckie: You mean, you're not mad about the mess we made in your room?

Angelica: That? No! Don't be silly Chuckie! I wasn't mad. I was "esited"

Chuckie: Uh, okay. I guess if you're not mad, then I, I can be your "sistant."

Angelica: You're gonna be "sisting" the "bestest" Chuckie. I'm all coolant. I'm in the van pool. I'm on the hedge.

Chuckie: What?

Angelica: Never mind. Just take some paint and play. You know, throw it all over.

(she leaves the room; Chuckie sighs, she reenters)

Angelica: Come on! Do something!

Chuckie: But I don't wanna.

Angelica: This is my "repetition" you're messing with. Now start doing it.

(she dumps his hands in the paint and chases him around the room, with paint spattering everywhere; Charlotte enters after they stop chasing)

Charlotte: Oh, I can't believe it! You're a genius!

(Charles enters)

Angelica: I'm a genius?!

(Charles screams; cut to Charlotte and Angelica in the car)

Charlotte: Don't worry. Mr. Finster wasn't angry. He just doesn't understand fine art.

(they pass by a sign announcing an art fair; she backs up)

Charlotte: "Art fair this Saturday." Now there are some people who understand fine art.

(cut to the art fair; Charlotte is talking to Aunt Didi, with Phil, Lil, Chuckie, and Tommy nearby drawing)

Charlotte: It means so much to Angelica to have her family here for her first big art show! She kept saying over and over how Tommy and the other babies are her inspiration. It was so cute.

Didi: I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I just love how kids enjoy art for arts sake.

(cut to Angelica looking at the prize trophy)

Angelica: It's the most "beautifulest" prize in the world Cynthia, and I'm gonna win it just as soon as I can find those babies.

(Charlotte grabs her as she walks to the babies)

Charlotte: Oh there you are sweetie. You'll be over here.

Judge: Hello. You must be Angelica Pickles. We're very excited to have you in the fair. We even put up this special curtain so you can work privately as requested.

Angelica: Thank you Mrs. Judge Lady.

Charlotte: Okay, Angelica. We're going to leave you alone. Do your thing sweetie.

(draws the curtains)

Angelica: Now to get to those babies. (sees mask by her booth) Aaaahhh! Oh, it's only a dumb mask.

(cut to Angelica approaching the babies who are still drawing)

Angelica: Well, my "favoritest, little baby friends. Guess what? I set up a little area for us to play paints in.

Tommy: No, Angelica. Every time we try to play paints with you, you end up chasing us all around.

Angelica: But I-

Tommy: No!

Angelica: I'll give you a Reptar bar!

(pulls it out of her pocket)

Tommy: No way, nu uh uh.

Lil: Nuh uh.

Chuckie: No!

Phil: Reptar bar?

Tommy: Phil!

Phil: Oh!

(cut to Angelica walking around the fair)

Angelica: There's got to be some way to get those babies into - (sees Aunt Didi near a basket stand) Aunt Didi!

Didi: Oh, hi Angelica!

Angelica: Hi, uh, Aunt Didi, I know the babies would be sad if they couldn't watch me do my art. So if you want to, Aunt Didi, you can bring them over, Aunt Didi.

Didi: Oh, that's a wonderful idea sweetheart.

Angelica: Bingo!

(cut to the babies inside Angelica's booth)

Angelica: Well, babies. Now I got you in my "crutches."

Tommy: You don't scare us. But we're not going to play paints with you no more!

Angelica: Okay, I guess you babies win. I'll go now. Good-bye.

(she leaves)

Chuckie: That's it? We won.

Tommy: Yeah, Chuckie. This time I think we did.

(Angelica emerges with the mask on; the babies scream and run; she chases them and the paint squirts everywhere; cut to the judge looking at exhibits)

Judge: Very nice.

(cut to Charlotte on the cellular phone)

Charlotte: That's right Jonathan. Find her the biggest agent in the art world. I want her on tour, London, Paris, Rome, Oprah!

(cut to babies running around; Angelica trips and her mask comes off)

Phil: Hey, it's just Angelica!

Chuckie: Waaahh!

Tommy: Well, guys. I say if she wants to play paints, let's play paints.

(throws orange paint into Angelica's face)

(others throw paints at her)

(cut to Judge at exhibits)

Judge: Very nice, very nice, very nice, very nice...

Charlotte: (still on phone) Got to go. Honey, the judges are here.

Angelica: One minute.

(Lil tears down the curtain; Charlotte and judges are shocked as they see the kids chasing Angelica with paint; someone throws some blue paint and it hits the main judge in the face)

Angelica: Uh, ta dah.

Judge: Oh, performance art. I love it! The winner of our contest is Angelica Pickles and her little friends. (others clapping) What do you call it Angelica? (she whispers in her ear) "Still Lucky"!

(she gets the trophy; babies start throwing paint again and it hits Angelica and other grownups; paint is thrown towards viewer and forms caption: "The End")

Compilation (c) 1998 Kathleen Kremer.

Quotes (c) 1997 Viacom.

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